Missive the Seventh:
When Mussolini Arrives
At the Congo of the Bozarth.
Convicted of the Sin of the Naughty Tongue.
Dateline: Friday, August 11, 2000, at 2300 hours CDT.
Conway,
Arkansas, USA
By
D. Ebenezer Baldwin Bowles
It's so ridiculously hot here in the Congo of the Bozarth that I'm having a hard time thinking of something interesting to write about. My molecules are straining to stay bound.
Besides, I've had a rotten case of the down-'n-out blues since Tuesday night. All this unemployment and failed practice exams are catching up with me.
My rapid, unexpected descent into the blues began
when corndancer.com's loyal intern Chad
sent me an email about Missive
the Sixth. "Eb, I just read your missive. I really didn't catch the meaning of it
except for the fact that you think that August sucks. Get back to me."
I can't
fathom why, but the message sent me spiraling into despondency. Meaning is one of the core values. To fail in getting it across -- well, damn! I don't think August sucks anymore than July
or February sucks. I'm an equal
opportunity monthanthrope.
Just a String of
Words Thrown into the Void.
Double
dadburnit, I thought, trying to be less profane. I'm losing my relevance to the younger generation. I composed an apology (it's just a string of
words thrown into the void keeps the fires stoked 'n smoking gives substance to
the illusion of a going concern satisfies a deadline everyone is a critic) and
went straight to bed.
The next
morning I was cheered, somewhat, when I checked the overnight E-mail to
discover a pleasant note from my sister-in-law. (She lives in the same neighborhood as six-foot-nine-inch
Arkansas Oak Sid Vicious, currently a leading light of World Championship Wrestling.) She wrote sweet compliments about Missive
the Sixth, but then she's the kind of loving and supportive relation whose cup
is seldom half empty. She was right,
though. Thanks, sis!
Guilt was
what felled me. I was convicted of the
sin of the
naughty tongue. What was I thinking
when I painted such unflattering (if flattened) portraits of the bookkeeper,
network engineer, and certified depression poet? The only treasures I'll be getting are a fleeting vapour and the
snare of death. (I can't quite convince
myself that vapour and snares are treasures, but that's what the Bible
says.)
Then I
discovered that America Online is blocking access to the corndancer.com
website. At least I think that's the
case. AOL account holders in our
limited circle report they cannot access the site. I'll take their word for it.
I'm not willing to accept the 500 free hours AOL has offered me to
research the issue.
Those nasty Blue
Nudes are doing their mischief again.
First Barnes and Noble, now America Online. When will the corporate indignities ever end?
Renewed Vigor for the
Effort to Enforce Conformity.
I mean, for
instance, to change the subject a mere bit:
Have you ever tried to close-out an account with AOL? When I left America's Online Losers (there's
that creeping cynicism, rearing its ugly mane again) in May of 1997 to cast my
lot with aristotle.net, it required the best brains at Worthen Bank to figure
out how we might gracefully convince AOL to let go of its monthly draft on my
checking account. Anyway, only one of
Cricket Song's subscribers maintains an AOL account -- and she came our way via
the mad painter-sculptor Treadway. I suspect
we might lose her subscription when she reads this -- if she can. The last time I tried to send her a Letter
from Cricket Song, AOL's server wouldn't accept it.
At about the
same instant that its protectionist filters were alerted to the dangers of
Wilton's Blue Nudes, AOL joined other Big Brothers and Big Sisters of corporate
America -- CNN, ABC News, MSNBC were also mentioned in wire reports about
high-minded cyber strikes against hate speech -- to renew their determination
to sanitize the World Wide Web and Internet from other threats to decency, this
time to protect Democratic Vice-Presidential Candidate Senator Joseph
Lieberman from anti-Semitic comments.
Since Monday
when Senator Lieberman's ascendancy was announced, the effort to enforce
conformity has taken on a renewed sense of vigor. Chat room blasphemy is erased as soon as it appears, chat writers
are immediately barred from cyber rooms when caught with their thoughts down,
software filters to block certain strings of profane words are placed over
portals and gateways, and the politically incorrect are threatened
with loss of their account. CNN
announced it would place its army of flesh-and-blood online eavesdroppers on
full alert to monitor their customers and enforce acceptable free speech. E-mail burnings by concerned members of AOL
support groups were scheduled in several major cities for this weekend.
"Though the remarks about Sen. Lieberman were
mostly limited to Web sites and discussion groups frequented by hate groups,
some did spill into chat rooms and message boards from mainstream Internet
providers," the Associated Press reported on August 10, 2000. The mainstream's protectors pledged
additional resources to prevent impurities from infecting the stream.
AOL is so
precise that it recorded exact numbers:
28,000 postings mentioning Senator Lieberman moved across its
wires. "They're all being
investigated," Nicholas Graham, AOL's Minister of Censorship, told the
press.
Fringe Ideas Are
Dangerous Things.
I'm ready to
step forward and laud these diligent protectors of the common weal. Who can't admire their efficiency, their
lock-step determination, the exactness of their science. Like the property developers and contractors
who raise sturdy brick walls around suburban bedroom communities throughout the
land, these staunch internet defenders perform a vital service for good people
of the republic. For one, they ease the
fears of social contamination so rampant in their stolid isolationist
constituency. When the shopkeepers,
landlords, factory owners, and service-sector managers feel safe and protected,
domestic harmony and societal cohesion are ensured. An additional benefit is the opportunity for censors to hone
their skills in preparation for more serious threats that may arise when hard
times come again.
Fringe ideas
are indeed dangerous things. It is
natural and just for the leaders of America's new media to protect the good
citizens from riffraff, ruffians, and renegades -- and especially, from vermin
and degenerate art. By doing so, they
protect the profit stream they've so finely embedded in the sanctity of an
ascendant mainstream culture.
One corporate
executive, her courage amplified by the absence of outrage, suggested that
skinheads and survivalists be identified and forced to wear armbands with yellow swastikas whenever they appear in
public. "That's hyperbole, of
course," she said. "But at
the very least these hate speech practitioners should be banished from publishing
on the bandwidth of America's World Wide Web."
I'll bet,
like Mussolini's brown-boot legions at the train stations of a bygone era,
America's corporate elite can even figure out a way to make the airplanes fly
on time. That in itself would be worth
the little inconveniences of censorship and restricted speech.
WATCH FOR MISSIVE THE EIGHTH in your mailbox just before sundown on Tuesday,
August 15, 2000. If you don't want any
of my missives, let me know. I'll
remove you from the subscription list immediately upon demand. On the other hand, if you want to add a
friend or associate to the list, please forward their name and email address to
ebenezer@corndancer.com .
Visit the web site at www.corndancer.com
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©2000 by David Ebenezer Baldwin Bowles | Send e-mail | 501.450.7989 |