DATELINE: Wednesday, August 30, 2000, at 03:45 hours CDT.
Conway, Arkansas, USA

By D. Ebenezer Baldwin Bowles
CornDancer & Company

You ought to see the gratis stash I brought back this evening from a grueling work day at Microsoft's quarterly dog-and-pony show in South Babylon: 15 compact disks of software in trendy little packages, an odd looking penlike device that's supposed to let you blow soap bubbles after you grow weary of writing with it, a hefty four-ring key chain, and a white Hanes heavyweight tee-shirt (adult XL) with "Microsoft The Business Desktop" screen-printed in pale green and blue on the part that covers my shoulder blades.

The jewel in the freebie crown is a 6 x 10-inch tri-fold cardboard package containing the hot-off-the-cd-burners beta edition of Microsoft Small Business Server 2000.

That previous sentence is a blatant clue for any of you who aren't overly interested in technical stuff. Missive the Twelfth will be dry and nerdy, most likely. If you aren't moved by issues of directory service migration, bi-directional replications, and cascading referential integrity, stop now and trash it. Don't think you'll hurt my feelings. (You will, but then how would I ever know?) I've simply got to get this hot new knowledge out of my system.

Microsoft's cadre of three true believers, who hosted the Quarterly TechNet Briefing from 8 'till noon and the Direct Access Quarterly Briefing from 1 to 4, were upbeat, erudite, and committed to the cause. They always are. Let me tell you: These guys know how to deal with a monopoly conviction. They hit the marketplace running harder and faster than ever. Federal judges and jealous politicians be damned, they won't back down. The digital desktops of the world are their oyster.

(It is midnight, straight up, exactly 00:00 on the Taskbar clock. I'm running a few hours past the appointed dispatch hour for this letter. Leaving the hermitage and venturing into the world today in historic 110-degree heat forced me to nap, refresh my mindshare after supper.)

Now that Windows 2000's array of desktop operating systems and network servers is an old hat, having won sufficient market share and momentum, the guys from Redmond, Washington, are preparing us for the next wave of Win2K newness. Tuesday's sessions featured three new products: Exchange Server, SQL Server, and Small Business Server. Each is a cyber behemoth that must be tamed and trained to perform for the knowledge workers of the New Economy. Exchange, SQL, and SBS's arrival on the corporate landscape ensures job security and continued guru status for software developers and network engineers throughout the land. (Hip, hip, hooray!)

We, the honored guests of Microsoft, a legion of nerds and wannabe nerds, coveys of developers and gaggles of resellers and flocks of consultants, had driven in assorted motor vehicles to a fancy atrium hotel in the financial district to see how the boys from Redmond might serve our interests, we theirs. Three, perhaps four hundred of us were scattered in informal clusters about the huge ballroom, which could have held several hundred more. Thirty-foot Microsoft logos were splashed with bright spotlights onto open spaces on the north and south walls. A pair of equally impressive Power Point screens flanked the stage and podium. At the rear of the room were beverages, breads, fruit and fruit juices, pastries, and ice.

Technology Specialist Neil Moore from Dallas, Texas, was so passionate about Exchange 2000 that he ran about 30 minutes past his allotted time, an act of acute professional rudeness. His windiness, though informed and mildly prescient, cut deeply into the SQL 2000 presentation by another tech spec, a tolerant man with a measured demeanor and sweet spirit, whose name I missed when his introductory Power Point slide snuck past me. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

"The more we learn about technology, the more questions we have about technology," Brian Jones, MS Corporate Account Executive, said before he introduced young Mr. Moore. It's an old saw, this idea of one answer leading to another question, but it's an old saw well worth a rehearing every season or two.

I liked the way Mr. Jones defined my role in the effort: I evaluate, plan, deploy, maintain, and support Microsoft products in the Local Area Network and Enterprise. Why not? Someone's gotta do it. He chatted briefly about a new MS initiative, a "copyright protection scheme" to combat counterfeit software, then outlined a new Open Business Licensing plan to discount server seats for Small Business solutions by 22 per cent.

Then he introduced Mr. Moore, whose entrance on a sleek Trek 820 mountain bike raised the eyebrows, if not the oohs and aahs, of the crusty, sardonic souls in the ballroom. The high-dollar two-wheeler, outfitted with Microsoft logos, would be given away via raffle at the end of the session, but you had to be there to win (and, for that matter, to get your freebies). The capture of the audience was assured.

Here are fragments from the Exchange 2000 presentation I found of special interest:

• A mailbox shall no longer be called a mailbox, but rather a "Mail Enabled Object."
• Exchange's Win2K foundation means it doesn't have a Directory Service ala version 5.5. The new version will not function on an NT4 Server because it relies exclusively on Win2K's Active Directory. However, it can "effectively coexist" with 5.5, Mr. Moore said. It can also support existing Outlook clients. "It just depends on what happens physically under the covers," he said.
• An encryptable instant messaging service is fully integrated into the core system.
• Exchange 2000 facilitates "wireless integration to E-mail, calendering, contacts, faxes, voice mail, and pages, all on a web-based client," Mr. Moore said. Techies on the run can pause at an airport web kiosk, for instance, and tune their Palm Pilot or other mobile device into secure sockets in the home LAN.
• Administration Groups, Routing Groups, Storage Groups, Namespace, Global Catalog Server, Active Directory connection agreements, and AD Organizational Units are among the terms that define this brave new realm of messaging and collaboration.

OK. Interesting enough. The Power Point screen was alive with Screen Shots and Talking Points, but Mr. Moore was wearing out most everyone's attention. Mr. Jones, obviously the senior manager, moseyed to the podium and stood there. For a minute or two his young charge acted as if the interloper was invisible. Then he glanced at his watch and let a nervous chuckle. "It's a ton of great information," he said. "I think I ran a little bit long."

Me, too, perhaps, but I want to finish with some degree of grace.

The second technical specialist, the SQL Server 2000 guy, the one whose name I missed because I was fumbling around in the back of the room, filling my plate with fresh pineapple, cantaloupe, honey dew, and strawberries, kept the repartee to a minimum. He compressed, clipped, and edited on-the-fly. It was a valiant attempt to overcome so much lost time, but mostly futile. With a behemoth like SQL, every moment matters when you're trying to explain its finer points, the modifications and additions from one version to the next. "A standby server waits in event the primary server becomes available," he said near the end of the session. "It's a nice failure protection scenario for both logical and physical recovery."

Well, there was a three-hour afternoon session, "Getting Ready for Small Business Server 2000," but I'm ready to have the fork stuck in me. If any of you want to know what happened, send me an E-mail and I'll be glad to send you a transcript of my notes.

Now about that fine, fine bicycle. I wanted it. Bad. I would ride it to the far reaches of the hinterland, perhaps even to the Land of Nod East of Eden.

The SQL guy having bowed out gracefully, Mr. Jones returned to the podium at high noon. A bonanza of door prizes were displayed on the apron of the presentation stage: a couple of cordless wheel mice, video games about baseball and golf and vicious combat on the Russian front, a Side Winder Precision Racing Wheel, two or three Encarta Reference Suites, PhotoDraw 2000, a Microsoft Internet Keyboard, and a nifty black director's chair with Microsoft logos on back rest. Mr. Jones reached into the fish bowl and pulled out winning number after winning number. "Not mine," I hoped. "Don't pull out my number yet. I don't want that mouse. Save mine for that bike." A woman representing a web hosting company took the stage to give away a Rio MP3 player. An old guy from Compaq came forward to give away a 1550 Palm Pilot.

Just like that, the baubles were claimed and clutched. All of them, that is, except for my black, grey, and chrome Trek 820. My red "KEEP THIS COUPON" stub featured the number 5368658. Mr. Jones reached into the bowl. He began to speak, slowly and with mock dramatics.

"5. 3. 6. 8. 6. 5...." In the best traditions of the wily sideshow barker, he paused.

"7."

One dinky number -- and the fat guy who won my bike didn't even show his excitement. I'll bet he was too portly to get on it and ride. Well, OK: I wasn't that disappointed. I had my 15 cds, my tee-shirt, my key chain and soap bubble pen. Anyway, the caterers were stacking free lunch boxes on a table at the side of the room. I decided to fortify myself for the next session.

WATCH FOR MISSIVE THE FOURTEENTH in your mailbox around midnight on Friday, September 1, 2000. If you don't want any of my missives, let me know. I'll remove you from the subscription list immediately upon demand. On the other hand, if you want to add a friend or associate to the list, please forward their name and email address to ebenezer@corndancer.com

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