Friends Again
All of a Sudden.

It's Over. We Won.
Thanks Be to God It's Safe.

The Seventh Letter

By Jack G. Vines
DATELINE:
Wednesday, May 21, 2003.
Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates

Guess what? All of us Westerners living here survived Gulf War Two. It was a piece of cake, especially when the Muslims realized that the Coalition forces would win. All of a sudden we became their friends again.

It is interesting to me because I never doubted that the USA would not win. On the other hand, the Arab media, especially Al-Jazeera, played an influential role in influencing the attitudes of the Muslim world. These guys actually thought we were going to get our asses kicked!

The Mesmerizing Comical Ali.

The people here were also mesmerized by Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf (Saddam Hussein's Information Minister) and his daily — and very comical — press briefings. For all of you who go nuts with "foreign names," Mr. al-Sahaf was the minister known by some in the West as "Comical Ali," who appeared on camera to spin the war from Baghdad's Palestine Hotel. The Arabs are not alone in their fascination with Mr. al-Sahaf: it is rumored that W, a.k.a. President George W. Bush, interrupted his schedule several times to capture the Iraqi spin doctor's act on TV.

Mr. Al-Sahaf has been trying to turn himself in to the Coalition forces, but as of today, they just don't want him. He's not a card in the deck of the most wanted. To add another twist to the comedy, he was offered a job with Al-Arabiya, a news station based in Dubai, the United Arab Emirates.

Violence and Dissolution.

The violent anti-Western attacks continue: soft targets in Saudi Arabia and Morocco were hit in the past few days. In nearby Saudi Arabia, much of government and society seems to be falling apart internally. Does the West want the dissolution to happen? Or, does all of this internal friction actually justify the American military presence?

My take is that the USA will remove all of its forces by summer's end — just as they have promised. The Americans no longer need Saudi bases because Iraq, Kuwait, Bahrain, Qatar, the UAE, and Oman are all pretty much on the USA-UK's side.

When the American military departs, civilian workers connected to the Western presence in the Holy Kingdom will also start to trickle back to their homes. This trickle may very soon grow to a steady stream of farewells in light of recent attacks. Will the Russians or Chinese jump-in to fill America's shoes?

A Degree of Safety.

Everyone I know, both inside the United Arab Emirates and outside in the great world beyond the desert sands, question not only my safety, but the safety of all Westerners.

As they say here in Arabic, al-humdulila: Thanks be to God that the UAE is a safe place. I like to think that my little place on the planet is pretty much under control of the powers that be. I am crossing my fingers. Oops, there I go again. I should know by now that crossing one's fingers has religious significance of a Christian flavor. I guess I can't teach that custom to the guys here.

Teaching the Commandos.

My time over the past month or so proved very interesting after I was suddenly reassigned to the United Arab Emirates Special Operations Command (SOC) Unit on the Emirati-Omani border. We refer to SOC as commandos. My task was to train about one-hundred men in basic English with some additional instruction in medical English.

I had a great time working with the commandos. The guys were really tough dudes and not really students. After about a week of instruction I noticed broken desks, chairs, air conditioners, toilets, etc. Let's say they hated sitting in class. My solution was to move the classroom into a hanger. The guys liked that more as they were able to smoke cigarettes and pipes. Arabs love smoking out of a little pipe that resembles a typical marijuana pipe back in the States. They also drink loads of Mountain Dew. The crash course in English lasted about a month. Today most of the SOC guys I taught are in Baghdad or Kabul.

Degrees of Homesickness.

I am homesick, but I can't say exactly what's causing it.

Maybe it's just the heat of Abu Dhabi — 40 to 45C right now with 90% humidity.

It could be the realization of my isolation, a sudden awareness of the physical truth embedded in my surroundings, the knowledge that I am so out of touch with all of my friends and family in the USA.

Perhaps the high terror alert issued by the USA is dousing my spirit. The alert led to the closing of most western embassies in the neighboring Saudi kingdom. I can't help but question if and when the terror will spill over into neighboring countries.

A Burger Delight.

Last night I picked up the telephone and called about ten friends strewn across the planet. Many were out somewhere. I spoke to answering machines. I forget that most Americans watch their Caller IDs before answering any phone call.

I needed some release, something to ease the I wanna get the hell out of here syndrome. I decided to exercise one of the few options open to me at the time. I went to Hardee's restaurant and ate the biggest burger on the menu with all the upsizing — #4 Big Boss! Over and out.

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Mr. Vines is an instructor for the United Arab Emirates Armed Forces. He has worked in Abu Dhabi since July 2001. Not yet thirty, he has also taught in Japan. We would tell you more about him, but it just wouldn't be prudent.

You can communicate with Mr. Vines by E-mail
through the webmaster at threadspinner@corndancer.com

*This is the logical next step
toward the NEW World Order.

Step Four: *Your verbs tossed into the well of the oasis.

Friends Again All of a Sudden.

It's Over. We Won. Thanks Be to God It's Safe.