A Noxious Nocturnal
Buzzing Abounds.
A Sound Mystery in Baden-Wuerttemberg....
Who, we wonder, would want to drive an entire German city insane? Socio-cultural theorists at  Astronomischer Verein Dortmund e.V. suspect a recent attack of noxious nocturnal buzzing in southwestern Germany is the work of a United States military project named HAARP. Agence France-Presse reports that hundreds of Germans in Karlsruhe, Lake Constance, and Heidelberg have complained to authorities that a late-night buzzing noise causes them to quiver like a bowl of jelly while their heart races madly and their sleep-deprived emotions rise to uncontrollable levels of excitation. A physicist has been hired by the government to investigate.
"Often at night I feel as if my bed were electrically charged. The pillow, the mattress and my whole body vibrate, and the only thing you want to do is to be able to turn off that sound," one of the afflicted southerners told a reporter.
The "Working Group for Investigation of the Buzzing Sound" has established a website to keep us informed.
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Step Two: Your personal pronoun on a pike!
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