Jokes Are No Joke.
Humor
Leads to
the Heart of a Language.
LAUGHTER,
CULTURE,
AND INSIGHT.
A joke from the Soviet Era
V Anglii chto mozhno, to mochno, a chto nel'zja, to nel'zja.
V Germanii vsjo nel'zja, krome togo, chto mozhno.
V Amerike vsjo mozhno, krome togo, chto nel'zja.
Vo Frantsii vsjo mozhno, dazhe to, chto nel'zja.
V Sovjetskom Sojuze vsjo nel'zja, dazhe to, chto mozhno.
In England what is allowed is allowed, and what is not allowed is not allowed.
In Germany nothing is allowed, except for what is allowed.
In America everything is allowed, except for what is not allowed.
In France everything is allowed, even what is not allowed.
In the Soviet Union nothing is allowed, even what is allowed.
Smeshannyj Xor.
Sprisili diretora chora:
~ Pochemu vy nazyvaete vash xor smeshannyj? Ved' u vas v xore pojut odhi muzhchiny?
~ Da, no odni iz nix umejut pet', a drugie - ne umejut.
A mixed choir....
The director of a choir was asked:
~ Why do you call your choir mixed? After all, you only have men singing in the choir?
~ Yes, but some of them know how to sing, and some of them do not.
80.
Doktor: U vas net osnsovannij bespokoit'sya — uvidite prozhivete do 80 let.
Patsient: No mne uzhe 80.
Doktor: Vot videte, ya akazalsya prav.
Doctor: You have nothing to worry about. You will live to be 80 years old.
Patient: But I am 80 already.
Doctor: There, you see, I was right.
He Sleeps at Night.
Kak vy spite?
Prevosxodno
A kem rabotaete?
Nochnym storozhem.
How do you sleep?
Excellently!
What is your job?
I am a night watchman.
I'll Die for Her.
A doctor is telling a story to his colleagues:
At three o'clock in the morning I got a call. I picked up the phone and some man announced that he would die if I didn't come over. I asked for his address, and then he hung up. Immediately my wife informed me that the call was for her!
What's Next?
See if you can figure out this joke:
Doktor, menja vse ignorirujut!
Sledujushscij! (Hint: This word means 'next')
Adds Up?
V gostyax, za stolom.
- Skol'ko let vy mne datite? - sprosila odna zhenshchina svoego soseda.
- Po tsevtu gub - 17. Po izgibu brovej - 16. Po tsevtu litsa - 20. Itogo - 53.
Dr. Marshall comes to the aid of the non-Russian speakers.
Guests seated at a table.
- How old do you think I am? - a woman asked flirting with the man next to her.
- By the color of you lips - I'd say 17. By the lines around your eyes - I'd say 16. By the color of your face - I'd say 20. That adds up to 53.
Fire!
Zovnok v Pazharnuyu sluzhbu:
- Pomogite! Skoree! U menya pozhar v kvartire!
- Vyjezshaem, kak k vam exat'?
- KAK!? Na bol'shoj, krasnoj mashine, konechno!
I don't know about you, readers, but I have no idea what that joke is about. Never fear. The Great Dr. Marshall is here! Translation kindly included.
A call comes in to the fire station:
- Help! Hurry! There is a fire in my apartment!
- We're on our way. How do we get to your place?
- HOW! In a big red vehicle, of course!
Why Quit Now?
Doctor: Do you smoke?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Too bad. Otherwise I would have suggested that you quit and you might feel better.
Spring Forward.
Patient: Doktor, every morning after I get up my head spins for an entire hour.
Doktor: Get up an hour later.
(Soon we will learn how to tell these kinds of simple jokes in Russian!)
Your Account in the
Bank of Laughs
Is Never Overdrawn.
Want to get a real feel for a culture? Want to understand the way people think? Want to get to the heart of a language? Then find out what makes the native speakers crack up! The joke’s on all of us!
Have you ever been standing around and someone tells a joke that you don’t catch? Your friends are rolling around on the floor, but you feel like a 'foreigner' because you don’t understand. Well, it could be that you need to hone your joke-listening skills. It is a technique that will open up a whole new world for you.
Laughter is said "to shake every fiber of our body." On top of that it feels SOOOO GOOOOD to laugh. That’s why every culture has a bank full of jokes.
Why Russian Jokes?
You’re learning Russian, of course! What better time to learn what makes Russians laugh? I assure you that once you crack into the 'laughter bank' of a
culture, you have entered a world that is truly reserved for the native. What better way to improve your speaking and listening skills than by learning some jokes and telling them to your friends.
A Little Cognac,
A Little Medicine.
A man goes into the doctor’s office and tells the doctor that he doesn’t like the medicine the doctor gave him for his cold. The doctor advises the man to "take a little cognac with a half a cup of the medicine." The man replies, "Well, doctor, honestly, I think I’d be better off taking a little of the medicine with a half cup of cognac!"
In addition to laughter, the language often used for jokes is simple and
direct. Students can learn practical vocabulary, phrases, and collocations. Also, students are given the opportunity to work on pronunciation, intonation, and sentence stress.
Imagine, all of this from a joke!
*This is the next step toward THE One World Language.
Step Thirty-Six: *Your adjective in the vodka keg!
Planet Russkij is ruled by Dr. Todd Alden Marshall, professor of Russian and Slavic Linguistics at the University of Central Arkansas. An independent entity in the CornDancer consortium of planets, Planet Russkij is dedicated to the study and exploration of the Russian language, culture, and society. CornDancer is a developmental website for the mind and spirit maintained by webmistress Freddie A. Bowles of the Planet Earth. Submissions are invited.
|
