September 27, 2003
What Gender Is Your Computer?
A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.
"House," in French, is feminine.... "la mansion."
"Pencil," in French, is masculine.... "le crayon."
One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?"
The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary.
So for fun she split the class into two groups, appropriately enough by gender, and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
That Sinking Feeling.
Two cats have a swimming race across the English Channel, one English, the other French.
The English cat is called "One two three", the French cat is called "Un deux trois".
Which cat wins...?
The English cat.
Why...?
Because Un deux trois cat sank....
*This is the first step toward THE One World Language.
Steps A & B: *The imperative is soothed by the interrogative.
Planète Française is ruled by Dr. Todd Alden Marshall, professor of Russian and Slavic Linguistics at the University of Central Arkansas. An independent entity in the CornDancer consortium of planets, Planète Française is dedicated to the study and exploration of the French language. CornDancer is a developmental website for the mind and spirit maintained by webmistress Freddie A. Bowles of the Planet Earth. Submissions are invited.
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